Advice from a Conscience (about boobs)

Here's a little advice from Bob's Conscience:

Don't look at these. It is not good for you.

Vagabond-Marie

Well it turns out that Bob's sister, Marie, has lice too. He's despairing now. His whole family is full of dirt, lice-ridden vagabonds!

Lice-ridden Vagabond

Bob is at his grandmother's house, and his mother and grandmother have just decided that Bob's little brother (who I'll call Steve) has head lice. Bob is sitting down in the basement, and is listening to them argue over it. He thinks that his mother and grandmother are both probably right: Steve has lice. Steve has some of the tangliest-curliest hair ever, and he never does anything with it. It wouldn't be a stretch to think that he does, in fact, have lice. And if he does, Bob thinks that it is freaking disgusting and that he should stay away. Far away. In another house far away! At least Bob doesn't have any hair anymore, so he doesn't need to worry about getting it. And yet, it still disgusts him to think that Steve could have lice. His own little brother, a dirty, lice-ridden vagabond!

Bob beats his meat to Kelly Carlson, and feels like a pile of dung.

Bob skipped 6th hour today for the sole purpose of masturbation. He went home, and he looked up pictures of Kelly Carlson on the internet and beat his meat like there was no tomorrow. There is a tomorrow, so I laid the guilt on really thick. I laid it on so thick that Bob feels like an absolute pile of dung! I hope it isn't too much.

What the Doggy Position was invented for

Bob was working the other night, and he saw a customer walking around, and she had her back turned toward him. He couldn't help admiring her ass, as it (and her perfectly proportioned backside) were turned toward him. His thoughts went something along the lines of "Hey baby! I wouldn't mind having you in bed at all." Right in mid thought she turned around, and Bob got to see her face. His next thought: "Ew! I wasn't thinking that about her, I would never even contemplate having sex with her!"

Bob just hates that, when a female has a delicious looking body: nice ass, nice proportions, even nice boobs, nice hair... but has a face that looks like the ass of a cow taking a shit. He especially hates it when he was admiring the girl's qualities prior to seeing her face. For Bob, a girl's sexiness is totally destroyed if she has a gut-wrenchingly ugly face.

Bob probably wouldn't be too choosy if he was looking for a girl to date, as long as she had an amazing personality and is somewhat attractive. A flat chest? He could live with that, no problem. But a butt ugly face? That totally ruins it for him!

I had been pretty quiet throughout the whole thing, but I had to chip in my two cents worth: that she really couldn't help that she had an ugly face, and that the rest of her was still pretty; but Bob arrived at the wrong conclusion. He concluded that this is what the doggy position was invented for.

Loud, obnoxious, and unreasonable

Bob thinks his mom is a fucking idiot most of the time. She is always so loud and obnoxious and unreasonable. I tell him to be nice.