Amanda Beard

Last night Bob was looking through the history on his Dad's computers, to see if his brother or Dad where up to any questionable stuff. He's done this before, and does it quite regularly, and on other peoples' computers, but he has never found anything out of the ordinary on either his mom's or dad's computers, but last night was different. He found a plethora of Google links for a surfer someone named "Amanda Beard." He checked it out, and lo and behold, it was a hot looking chick in a bikini! Along with that, were links to Amazon.com listings for bikinis, which of course featured girls modeling the swimsuits in question.

Bob thought to himself, "Wow, it took Steve a long time to understand the ways of the world! Either that, or he just got careless." Bob first started looking at pictures of women on the internet at age 10 or 11. But thanks to my good work, it has been very, very intermittant. He only does on rare occasions now, and it has never lead to porn.

Bob thought about alerting his father to the fact that Steve was looking up this stuff, but then that might get around to the question of how he knew, why he was looking at the history, and if he ever looked up pictures of chicks in bikinis on the internet (to which the answer was yes.) So Bob decided to just let it lie. Plus, Steve was starting out sort of like Bob did, by looking up pictures on Amazon. Bob started on Ebay.

My Super Ex-Girlfriend

Bob watched the movie My Super Ex-Girlfriend tonight, and it was one of the weirdest shows that he has ever seen. As a conscience, I thought that it was absolutely abominable. All of the humping! Seriously! Like I said, Bob thought it was a little overboard, too. The girls were smoking hot, but the movie was almost too weird for him to enjoy it which, actually, ended up being a good thing despite the general raunchiness. There certainly were parts that got Bob's penis up, but the weirdness... it was just weird.

To see how it could be so weird and yet get Bob's penis up, just take a look at this picture:

Advice from a Conscience (about boobs)

Here's a little advice from Bob's Conscience:

Don't look at these. It is not good for you.

Vagabond-Marie

Well it turns out that Bob's sister, Marie, has lice too. He's despairing now. His whole family is full of dirt, lice-ridden vagabonds!

Lice-ridden Vagabond

Bob is at his grandmother's house, and his mother and grandmother have just decided that Bob's little brother (who I'll call Steve) has head lice. Bob is sitting down in the basement, and is listening to them argue over it. He thinks that his mother and grandmother are both probably right: Steve has lice. Steve has some of the tangliest-curliest hair ever, and he never does anything with it. It wouldn't be a stretch to think that he does, in fact, have lice. And if he does, Bob thinks that it is freaking disgusting and that he should stay away. Far away. In another house far away! At least Bob doesn't have any hair anymore, so he doesn't need to worry about getting it. And yet, it still disgusts him to think that Steve could have lice. His own little brother, a dirty, lice-ridden vagabond!

Bob beats his meat to Kelly Carlson, and feels like a pile of dung.

Bob skipped 6th hour today for the sole purpose of masturbation. He went home, and he looked up pictures of Kelly Carlson on the internet and beat his meat like there was no tomorrow. There is a tomorrow, so I laid the guilt on really thick. I laid it on so thick that Bob feels like an absolute pile of dung! I hope it isn't too much.

What the Doggy Position was invented for

Bob was working the other night, and he saw a customer walking around, and she had her back turned toward him. He couldn't help admiring her ass, as it (and her perfectly proportioned backside) were turned toward him. His thoughts went something along the lines of "Hey baby! I wouldn't mind having you in bed at all." Right in mid thought she turned around, and Bob got to see her face. His next thought: "Ew! I wasn't thinking that about her, I would never even contemplate having sex with her!"

Bob just hates that, when a female has a delicious looking body: nice ass, nice proportions, even nice boobs, nice hair... but has a face that looks like the ass of a cow taking a shit. He especially hates it when he was admiring the girl's qualities prior to seeing her face. For Bob, a girl's sexiness is totally destroyed if she has a gut-wrenchingly ugly face.

Bob probably wouldn't be too choosy if he was looking for a girl to date, as long as she had an amazing personality and is somewhat attractive. A flat chest? He could live with that, no problem. But a butt ugly face? That totally ruins it for him!

I had been pretty quiet throughout the whole thing, but I had to chip in my two cents worth: that she really couldn't help that she had an ugly face, and that the rest of her was still pretty; but Bob arrived at the wrong conclusion. He concluded that this is what the doggy position was invented for.