Lice-ridden Vagabond

Bob is at his grandmother's house, and his mother and grandmother have just decided that Bob's little brother (who I'll call Steve) has head lice. Bob is sitting down in the basement, and is listening to them argue over it. He thinks that his mother and grandmother are both probably right: Steve has lice. Steve has some of the tangliest-curliest hair ever, and he never does anything with it. It wouldn't be a stretch to think that he does, in fact, have lice. And if he does, Bob thinks that it is freaking disgusting and that he should stay away. Far away. In another house far away! At least Bob doesn't have any hair anymore, so he doesn't need to worry about getting it. And yet, it still disgusts him to think that Steve could have lice. His own little brother, a dirty, lice-ridden vagabond!

Bob beats his meat to Kelly Carlson, and feels like a pile of dung.

Bob skipped 6th hour today for the sole purpose of masturbation. He went home, and he looked up pictures of Kelly Carlson on the internet and beat his meat like there was no tomorrow. There is a tomorrow, so I laid the guilt on really thick. I laid it on so thick that Bob feels like an absolute pile of dung! I hope it isn't too much.

What the Doggy Position was invented for

Bob was working the other night, and he saw a customer walking around, and she had her back turned toward him. He couldn't help admiring her ass, as it (and her perfectly proportioned backside) were turned toward him. His thoughts went something along the lines of "Hey baby! I wouldn't mind having you in bed at all." Right in mid thought she turned around, and Bob got to see her face. His next thought: "Ew! I wasn't thinking that about her, I would never even contemplate having sex with her!"

Bob just hates that, when a female has a delicious looking body: nice ass, nice proportions, even nice boobs, nice hair... but has a face that looks like the ass of a cow taking a shit. He especially hates it when he was admiring the girl's qualities prior to seeing her face. For Bob, a girl's sexiness is totally destroyed if she has a gut-wrenchingly ugly face.

Bob probably wouldn't be too choosy if he was looking for a girl to date, as long as she had an amazing personality and is somewhat attractive. A flat chest? He could live with that, no problem. But a butt ugly face? That totally ruins it for him!

I had been pretty quiet throughout the whole thing, but I had to chip in my two cents worth: that she really couldn't help that she had an ugly face, and that the rest of her was still pretty; but Bob arrived at the wrong conclusion. He concluded that this is what the doggy position was invented for.

Loud, obnoxious, and unreasonable

Bob thinks his mom is a fucking idiot most of the time. She is always so loud and obnoxious and unreasonable. I tell him to be nice.

Desiring to see the rest of the goods that go along with that sexy ass

There are advertisements on isohunt that always catch Bob's eye. They usually feature a very attractive part of a very attractive woman, along with the text: "Want to see the rest?" Bob, of course, really wants to see the rest.

The latest one really made him want to click on the link. It featured the lower half of a woman, viewed from the back. The part of her upper torso that is viewable is covered by a t-shirt. On the bottom she is wearing a skimpy thong. This thong is so skimpy that is only visible at her waist. So in effect, it looked for all the world like a completely naked ass. Bob decided that, whoever the model was, that she had one of the sexiest asses he had ever seen. Bob then started to wonder what Rosaline would look like wearing her thong without any pants on.

As you can imagine, I did not like this line of thought one bit, but I didn't have to do anything about it. Bob decided that he really wanted to see the rest of that beautiful woman, so he clicked on the link. It led him to a registration page for a dating website. The let down was so great that he has pretty much ignored the beautiful ass since then.

Click to see the beautiful ass

Mother Fucking Know it All

Bob has this stupid mother fucker that he rooms with at school, and he is a total mother fucking know it all! Someone was bitching about how some wireless network wasn't working, and the mother fucking know it all was like "It never works at night." It never works at night Bob's ass! So Bob was like "It just needs to be powercycled (while thinking: you stupid mother fucker). It now works. It doesn't work well, but it works. Bob assumes that the reason the network isn't working well is because of all the traffic on it at the moment. Stupid ass mother fucking know it all.

Good Luck Chuck

Bob is thinking that he really wants to see this movie:





Ah, the beautiful Jessica Alba!