Frenular Delta and the Vulva

So Bob thought that what Steve was up to was just normal. Well, it turns out that it isn't entirely. Today, Steve was researching Masturbation on Wikipedia, the Frenular Delta(look at that disgusting picture!), specific forms of masturbation, and the Vulva(which he could understand).

Now, Bob understands researching female anatomy, he did that too. But researching the Frenular Delta and specific forms of masturbation? Bob never ever looked up some other guy's penis on the internet! And masturbation, unfortunately, came very natural to him. He didn't need to research it to know how to do it. Believe me, he's a natural.

But Bob (and I) are beginning to think that Steve has problems.

Amanda Beard

Last night Bob was looking through the history on his Dad's computers, to see if his brother or Dad where up to any questionable stuff. He's done this before, and does it quite regularly, and on other peoples' computers, but he has never found anything out of the ordinary on either his mom's or dad's computers, but last night was different. He found a plethora of Google links for a surfer someone named "Amanda Beard." He checked it out, and lo and behold, it was a hot looking chick in a bikini! Along with that, were links to Amazon.com listings for bikinis, which of course featured girls modeling the swimsuits in question.

Bob thought to himself, "Wow, it took Steve a long time to understand the ways of the world! Either that, or he just got careless." Bob first started looking at pictures of women on the internet at age 10 or 11. But thanks to my good work, it has been very, very intermittant. He only does on rare occasions now, and it has never lead to porn.

Bob thought about alerting his father to the fact that Steve was looking up this stuff, but then that might get around to the question of how he knew, why he was looking at the history, and if he ever looked up pictures of chicks in bikinis on the internet (to which the answer was yes.) So Bob decided to just let it lie. Plus, Steve was starting out sort of like Bob did, by looking up pictures on Amazon. Bob started on Ebay.

My Super Ex-Girlfriend

Bob watched the movie My Super Ex-Girlfriend tonight, and it was one of the weirdest shows that he has ever seen. As a conscience, I thought that it was absolutely abominable. All of the humping! Seriously! Like I said, Bob thought it was a little overboard, too. The girls were smoking hot, but the movie was almost too weird for him to enjoy it which, actually, ended up being a good thing despite the general raunchiness. There certainly were parts that got Bob's penis up, but the weirdness... it was just weird.

To see how it could be so weird and yet get Bob's penis up, just take a look at this picture:

Advice from a Conscience (about boobs)

Here's a little advice from Bob's Conscience:

Don't look at these. It is not good for you.

Vagabond-Marie

Well it turns out that Bob's sister, Marie, has lice too. He's despairing now. His whole family is full of dirt, lice-ridden vagabonds!

Lice-ridden Vagabond

Bob is at his grandmother's house, and his mother and grandmother have just decided that Bob's little brother (who I'll call Steve) has head lice. Bob is sitting down in the basement, and is listening to them argue over it. He thinks that his mother and grandmother are both probably right: Steve has lice. Steve has some of the tangliest-curliest hair ever, and he never does anything with it. It wouldn't be a stretch to think that he does, in fact, have lice. And if he does, Bob thinks that it is freaking disgusting and that he should stay away. Far away. In another house far away! At least Bob doesn't have any hair anymore, so he doesn't need to worry about getting it. And yet, it still disgusts him to think that Steve could have lice. His own little brother, a dirty, lice-ridden vagabond!

Bob beats his meat to Kelly Carlson, and feels like a pile of dung.

Bob skipped 6th hour today for the sole purpose of masturbation. He went home, and he looked up pictures of Kelly Carlson on the internet and beat his meat like there was no tomorrow. There is a tomorrow, so I laid the guilt on really thick. I laid it on so thick that Bob feels like an absolute pile of dung! I hope it isn't too much.

What the Doggy Position was invented for

Bob was working the other night, and he saw a customer walking around, and she had her back turned toward him. He couldn't help admiring her ass, as it (and her perfectly proportioned backside) were turned toward him. His thoughts went something along the lines of "Hey baby! I wouldn't mind having you in bed at all." Right in mid thought she turned around, and Bob got to see her face. His next thought: "Ew! I wasn't thinking that about her, I would never even contemplate having sex with her!"

Bob just hates that, when a female has a delicious looking body: nice ass, nice proportions, even nice boobs, nice hair... but has a face that looks like the ass of a cow taking a shit. He especially hates it when he was admiring the girl's qualities prior to seeing her face. For Bob, a girl's sexiness is totally destroyed if she has a gut-wrenchingly ugly face.

Bob probably wouldn't be too choosy if he was looking for a girl to date, as long as she had an amazing personality and is somewhat attractive. A flat chest? He could live with that, no problem. But a butt ugly face? That totally ruins it for him!

I had been pretty quiet throughout the whole thing, but I had to chip in my two cents worth: that she really couldn't help that she had an ugly face, and that the rest of her was still pretty; but Bob arrived at the wrong conclusion. He concluded that this is what the doggy position was invented for.

Loud, obnoxious, and unreasonable

Bob thinks his mom is a fucking idiot most of the time. She is always so loud and obnoxious and unreasonable. I tell him to be nice.

Desiring to see the rest of the goods that go along with that sexy ass

There are advertisements on isohunt that always catch Bob's eye. They usually feature a very attractive part of a very attractive woman, along with the text: "Want to see the rest?" Bob, of course, really wants to see the rest.

The latest one really made him want to click on the link. It featured the lower half of a woman, viewed from the back. The part of her upper torso that is viewable is covered by a t-shirt. On the bottom she is wearing a skimpy thong. This thong is so skimpy that is only visible at her waist. So in effect, it looked for all the world like a completely naked ass. Bob decided that, whoever the model was, that she had one of the sexiest asses he had ever seen. Bob then started to wonder what Rosaline would look like wearing her thong without any pants on.

As you can imagine, I did not like this line of thought one bit, but I didn't have to do anything about it. Bob decided that he really wanted to see the rest of that beautiful woman, so he clicked on the link. It led him to a registration page for a dating website. The let down was so great that he has pretty much ignored the beautiful ass since then.

Click to see the beautiful ass

Mother Fucking Know it All

Bob has this stupid mother fucker that he rooms with at school, and he is a total mother fucking know it all! Someone was bitching about how some wireless network wasn't working, and the mother fucking know it all was like "It never works at night." It never works at night Bob's ass! So Bob was like "It just needs to be powercycled (while thinking: you stupid mother fucker). It now works. It doesn't work well, but it works. Bob assumes that the reason the network isn't working well is because of all the traffic on it at the moment. Stupid ass mother fucking know it all.

Good Luck Chuck

Bob is thinking that he really wants to see this movie:





Ah, the beautiful Jessica Alba!

"Is it all right if I hit on your daughter?"

Bob was at a place the other day, and he is positive that a couple of the girls there were checking him out. How does he know that they were checking him out? Why, he was checking them out at the same time, of course. One of the girls looked like she had some decent breasts. She didn't flaunt them with her shirt like little Ms. Slutty Pants. Her shirt just showed enough to grab Bob's attention and say "Hey, look at me!" Bob was contemplating going over and saying "hi," but from the conversation drifting over from their table, he deduced that she was there with her family. If he went up and said "hi," he might as well walk up to her father and ask, "Is it all right if I hit on your daughter?" Bob decided to do neither.

No Meat Beatage

Bob resisted the urge last night! He did not beat his meat! I’m so proud of him.

Breath-taking voluptuousness

Bob watched a movie last night. In it, there was a rather attractive woman with what Bob thought were very nice breasts. One shot showed a close up of the woman, displaying her body from about the tits up. She was wearing an outfit that revealed just about all of her breasts above the nipple line. So in effect, about all that was viewable was this actress's face and her boobs. That in and of itself is pretty much unremarkable, but she was breathing very heavily. Her mostly bare breasts were moving up and down, accenting their breath-taking voluptuosness.

It was not a very long clip at all, so I could not berate Bob for having watched it. He didn't masturbate whilst thinking about it, so no foul there. All in all, I think Bob handled that difficult situation rather admirably!

Failing horribly at looking pretty

There is a freshman girl in Bob’s 8th hour class who is rather skinny and tall. It is obvious from the way she dresses that she tries very hard to be pretty. She fails horribly. The problem: her face. She possibly has one of the ugliest faces that Bob has ever seen (including Fishy Face). Her teeth are very messed up and her nose is he-uge! Her chin is very narrow, and her cheeks are like puff-tastic. Her eyes don’t fit her face at all.

Basically, whenever Bob looks at her, his eyes hurt. I have made sure that Bob did not vocalize his thoughts. If Ugly Face would hear what he really thought of her, that would not be good (even though Bob really doesn’t know her that well). Still, I’m sure she wouldn’t want to hear it.

A large erection while going commando

Bob has a rather large erection right now. He is sitting in his bed, chilling out. He’s wearing sweat pants, and of course he isn’t wearing any underwear, so his penis is making a big ole bulge.

Oh wait, it just got bigger. Hmm, what triggered that? Oh, he was just thinking about Rosaline.

That bulge is starting to annoy him. He really wants to get rid of it. Time for me to throw some anti-stroking-off thoughts at him.

Fucking bitch

Bob's idiotic little brother is being a fucking bitch right now. Bob cannot wait to go to college.

Sharing a bed above Bob's head

I have many interesting occurrences to relate to you from Bob's trip to visit Patricia, and I'm not sure where to begin. Patricia's parents, and whole family, really liked Bob. And for good reason, because Bob is generally a great guy (thanks in large part to my influence). There are only a couple of issues that he struggles with, but generally, a great guy.

I was slightly surprised, and very pleased, that her parents have strict rules about "mixed crowds" (i.e. guys and girls) being in the house when there are no adults around. Bob thought it was good too, because even though he thinks about having sex all the time, he is very determined to save it until he gets married.

Interesting occurrences from the trip... Patricia's older sister, Alea, and her husband had just returned from their honeymoon, and had stopped over at Alea and Patricia's parents house to spend the night. This opened the door wide open to a whole host of uncomfortable circumstances for Bob. Maybe I'll make a whole miniseries of them: "Awkward experience with Alea and hubby of the day." No, that title is way too long.

Regardless, awkward circumstance #1:
Patricia's dad said to Patricia's mom: "I was thinking that Bob would have company on the futon, but I guess we can't stop them from sharing a bed anymore!" and Bob was just like "ew," because that's what you do when anyone older than you talks about having sex, even if they are only a couple years older.

Then later, Alea's hubby told Bob about how he used to sleep on the futon all the time. Bob felt like he, and Patricia's dad, were implying that he was going to end up with Patricia like Alea's hubby ended up with Alea. Which made him very uncomfortable, because he had decided that that was not his intention.

It turned out that the bed that the parents couldn't stop them from sharing was directly above Bob's head. One more point in the awkwardness category.

Bob returns from visiting Patricia

Bob has returned from visiting Patricia, and boy was it an interesting trip! I currently don't have time to fill you in on all the detail, but just believe me: it was a fun, and yet eye-opening experience!

Bob to make a daring attempt at extended interaction with an attractive female

Tomorrow Bob is going to do something very brave. He is going to visit a girl that he knows who lives in a different town, and he is going to hang out with her for the better part of a day, and spend the night (it's her parents house, so don't worry: no sex). He has done this before, but there have always been more people there. This time it will just be the two of them. Bob doesn't know if he will be able to handle it just being one-on-one. He will have to be the life of the party, if it is, in fact, a party - which it's not. Anyhow, he's nervous, and for good reason!

He was going to go with his best friend, Ed, but Ed can't make it. Bob doesn't want to wait around forever for Ed, so he just decided to go. The main reasons he's going, even without Ed's support, are:
1. Bob is moving out of state for college, so he wants to see this girl (Patricia) at least one last time. This may be the last time he ever sees her, but I think they'll run into each other somewhere along the line.
2. Even though Bob made up his mind that he wasn't going to get entangled with a girl before he moves out of state for college, he did decide that he needs more girl conversation/interaction type experience.
3. Bob decided that life sucks if you always play on the safe side and never take risks, so he just decided to go for it.

I applaud Bob for making this daring move! I can't wait to see how this turns out!

Physically tired from Bob jacking off

It is getting late, and Bob is very tired. He had a really long, busy weekend. I had a rough weekend too. Consciences rarily get physically tired as they do not have physical bodies, yet I feel physically tired. He honestly has been so mean to me the past couple of days! I think he has jacked off each of the past 2 or 3 nights and I’m expending my last ounces of energy to stop him from doing it again tonight. The battle against masturbation will never end!

Freckly Fishy Face

Bob had to give one of his sister’s friends a ride. Bob thinks that she is very ugly, and looks like a fish. She has a very flat face, with a short, flat nose. Her eyes are large, and she appears very glassy eyed, almost just like fishy eyes. Her complexion is very pale, and she has some freckles that look like scales. I made sure that Bob was nice to her, but he calls her Fishy Face in his head. She is rather stupid, too (again, like a fish).

Untied bras lie loosely on tanned breasts

The next day Bob returned again to Paradise City Beach. Much to my dismay, as the day went on there were even more babes to keep his eyes on. In Bob's opinion, the first chicks that showed up were way better than mediocre. During break they were sunbathing directly in front of the picnic table where he was sitting, and I don't think he lifted his gaze from them, unless it was to appear as if he wasn't looking at them. But in the time that he was, he just feasted his eyes on her (the girl that was closest to him) luscious form and beautiful, beautiful boobs. For a while she was suntanning with the upper cord of her bra piece untied, so the flaps protecting her breasts from prying eyes were just lying there loosely. Oh, was Bob's mind running wild! Those perfect bags of fat and skin! His penis was hard as a rock! Occasionally she would sit up to check on the children that she was babysitting, and she had to hold her swimsuit to her breasts to keep from revealing herself. Did Bob find that arousing!

One time both of the women sat up (the one closest to him tied her string, while Bob's penis said "Sex me!"), and went to play with the kids that they were watching. After a short time, the came back to lie down, but they switched positions so that the other babe was in front of Bob. She also untied her top string so that her bra piece was just lying loosely on her naked breasts. This one's form wasn't as perfect, but her breasts were larger, and the bra piece was lying more haphazardly. Bob just glued his eyes to her boob, and hoped against hope that a little wind would kick up, or that she would get distracted (just that something would happen) and that the swimsuit would flip down and reveal her nipple for him to admire. At that point I just lost it! That is absolutely not acceptable! But at that point also, Bob didn't care anymore.

Eventually their lunch break ended, and they had to get back to work. More and more girls arrived throughout the day, including Helga, Maurice, Flirtastic, and other girls from that same town, some of whom Bob was 100% positive were checking him out.

But the most significant occurrence that needs to be related is one which happened several times, and really got Bob aroused. But one such instance happened right in front of him while he was taking break. Two girls arrived at the beach wearing bikinis under their shirts and short shorts or jean skirts. They stopped right in front of Bob, spread their towels out and, while facing him, proceeded to undress. The first girl pulled her shirt over her head, pausing just a second with her face covered and her breasts exposed for Bob to admire, and then she unbuttoned her shorts, slowly unzipped them, and pulled them off, exposing her lower piece. Bob thought that maybe she was trying to do a strip tease on purpose. Her companion was no better, and she was wearing a skirt. Skirts always turn Bob on, so he dick was straight as an arrow. After undressing right in front of him, they went and laid down, facing towards him with their heads positioned so as to give a perfect view of their breasts, compressed between their bodies and the ground. Bob just sat there awhile (against my cautioning) just admiring their cleavage. It was almost as if they intended for him to be watching them. Bob thought that maybe they noticed how sexy of a guy he was, and they were turning him on on purpose. Well either way, they succeeded.

Paradise City

The other day Bob was working by a beach in Paradise City. The girls are pretty, but the grass isn't green yet... which is why Bob was working there. He and his coworkers were seeding the side of a hill by Paradise City Beach. While he was working, he spotted Helga and her friend Maurice drive by. And then they drove by again, and again, and again... and then they left. Bob thought that maybe they were checking out, and then his coworker commented that it was too bad they didn't stay.

Well, later on it became apparent that they weren't exactly checking Bob out... they were checking the beach out as they came an hour or so later to go sunbathing. This got Bob (and all the guys he was working with) excited, as the one good reason for working at Paradise City Beach is to babe watch. Babes there were to watch, and in good measure! Not only were Helga and Maurice there, but they brought their friend Flirtastic with them. (I call her Flirtastic because she and Ed were an item for a long time. But maybe that is another story.) Along with that group of 3 there were several other girls that came along to the beach that day to sunbathe and swim.

Boy, did Bob and the guys he was with have a good time! Bob got several glimpses of Helga's perfect bikini-clothed body. He spent a while admiring per perfectly proportioned ass, and how her swim suit complemented her figure. Bob also noticed that Maurice was really a fine looking woman, too. Back in the day when Bob first met Maurice, he thought that she was just a loudmouth preppy. This past semester he ended up sitting right next to her in a computer class, and ended up learning differently. This day at the beach just confirmed what he was discovering: that Maurice was actually a foxy bitch.

After establishing Maurice's Foxy Bitch status, Bob went back to admiring Helga's breasts, the general curvature from her breasts, down along her tight stomach, and over her perfect hips. Yes indeed, he thought, she really is an excellent specimen of the female gender.

But you can imagine that through all of this that I was not a happy camper. I kept telling him that it was very, very wrong to be openly admiring their physical features; and yet, he just kept doing it. He just made sure not to get caught at it. *Sigh* what am I going to do with him?

Skimpy Thongs and Naked Asses

Rosaline was leaning over to check her homework with someone else in Calculus class, and Bob got quite a shock: Rosaline was wearing a thong! Bob had never really placed Rosaline as one of the thong-wearing crowd. Sure, he had spotted her wearing a G-string once or twice, but a thong? In Bob’s opinion, Rosaline is a very preppy girl. He was like “Woa, did I see what I thought I saw?” So he tried to look at it more closely, without staring. I told him that he should turn his eyes back to his derivatives, but he just could not not look. It looked so skimpy, too. Almost as skimpy as this thong.

He has seen a thong or two on accident before, but very few as skimpy as this one. He started thinking about what it would feel like to have one’s butt cheeks completely bare and rubbing against one’s jeans, but I told him that he should definetly not be thinking about Rosaline’s naked ass, no matter how tight of an ass she has. Eventually she got up to ask the teacher a question, and Bob’s mind moved on to other, more appropriate, thoughts.

Eye Candy

Just today Bob was chatting with an older guy that he works with, and out of the blue he said "Hey, do you know Helga?" Bob said that he didn't really know her, but that he more knew of her. What he didn't say was that he enjoyed looking at her ass during 8th hour. But he did chip in that she was "pretty foxy." Bob's coworker agreed, saying that she was "very easy on the eyes." Easy on the eyes. Bob thought that Helga is way better than just "easy" on the eyes. More like "eye candy."

Perfectly proprotioned breasts and hips... and a really nice ass

There is a girl that tutors for Bob’s 8th hour teacher, so he sees her doing random chores for his teacher. She is a junior, and Bob thinks that her form is very easy on the eyes. In his opinion, her breasts, hips, and butt are all perfectly proportioned. Especially her ass. He thinks she has a really nice ass. One day in class I caught him staring at her, and I really told him off for it! Seriously Bob, have a little decency! Just because she is an excellent specimen of the female species does not mean you can stare at her like she is in an exhibit!

Later that night before Bob went to bed, he read some articles on the internet. He thought they were going to be funny, but I turned on the gross-o-meter, and he felt really grossed out by them. So he went to bed and tried to get to sleep. Those articles had flipped the switch though, and he just had to jack off. He conjured up the image of the perfect female specimen in his mind, and had some amazing sex with her right then and there in his mind. This really surprised me, because when ever Bob masturbates, he usually makes up a big continuing masturbation story in his head, in which he is always married so he doesn’t feel quite so bad. Last night on the other hand, he didn’t give a rip and just started lusting away over this beautiful girl. I really didn’t know what to think! Geezz Bob, get a grip!

Miranda Stands Behind Bob in Just Her Underwear

Did I ever get around to writing what happened before the skit? No, I don’t think so. Well they Bob and Miranda were rehearsing with Ed’s help, and it came time to get all dressed for the skit, and Miranda needed to change out of her skirt and into some pants, so she ordered Bob and Ed to turn around. Cripes, the thoughts that were whipping through Bob’s head while they were turned around! What if he sneaked a peak? What kind of undies was she wearing? He was pretty sure it would be G-string or a thong, but he didn’t have much to back that up. If only Ed hadn’t been there, he might have tried to sneak a peek. I guess it’s good that Ed WAS there.

Bob’s mind was just a whirling, though. Miranda was RIGHT BEHIND HIM WITHOUT ANY PANTS ON! Oh, the possibilities!

Miranda's Buxom Breasts

Miranda is home from college, and Bob saw her again yesterday, and was she gorgeous! She was wearing a tight pink t-shirt, and it just pressed tight against her buxom breasts. He contemplated going over and saying hey, but decided that it wouldn't be a good idea because, after all, I had convinced him that it would be a good idea to stay away from her.

And yet Bob thought to himself “Damn, she is gorgeous! I just want to go over there and kiss her.” And then he had a quick vision of what it would be like to have sex with her, but I pushed that little idea straight out of his brain.

Age of Empires II takes a back seat

Age of Empires II has taken a back seat in Bob's life to his new passtime: running around in circles. For some reason, Bob has decided that endlessly running around a field counter-clockwise is a lot of fun. Therefore, I have not had the opportunity to write much lately.

Holding Hands with Cindy

I'm sorry for the long period of time between posts. Bob hasn't been playing Age of Empires II enough over the past 2 weeks.

Anyhow, Bob hung out with Cindy last night. It was pretty informal though, because they were with a whole bunch of friends. Bob really had a lot of fun, and it looked like Cindy did too. They ended up holding hands for a while, but in a very we're-not-romantic-right-now way. I just hope Bob isn't leading her on. He meant for it to just be a fun time hanging out with friends. I'm hoping Cindy doesn't think it was something more.

About Valentine's Day

It was valentine’s day the other day. The girl that Bob took on a date bought Bob a Crush soda. At the highschool that Bob attends, the student council sells Crush soda that you can order and have delivered to your Crush, anonymous or otherwise. They come in three flavors: Grape, signifying friendship; Orange, signifying a Crush; and Strawberry, signifying love. Bob got a strawberry one.

I thought Bob had had a chat with Cindy already! Orange or Grape would have been more appropriate, but Strawberry... I hope Bob talks to her tonight about it. I think he’ll be able to get up the guts... he sometimes has trouble starting serious conversations, especially if the other person is a female.

Bob takes a girl on a date because she makes his penis stand up

A couple of weeks ago, Bob took a girl on a date. They went to go see a movie. She was nice, and he liked her. He still likes her. The only problems are that she acts really immature at times, and Bob is moving away to college soon. I think the main reason that Bob asked her (I’ll call her Cindy to give the pronouns a rest) out on a date is because whenever he gets really close to Cindy, his penis becomes erected. I suppose almost any girl would make Bob’s body do that. Anyhow, he must not have been thinking too clearly.

Eventually, he ended up telling Cindy that they couldn’t get very serious because he would be going off to college soon. I think that was a good call on Bob’s part.

Bob actually wins an Age of Empires II game!

Bob has finally won a game of Age of Empires II! He had been getting destroyed up to this point. His victory may have something to do with the fact that he accidentally turned the difficulty down, and that he made even teams mandatory. Usually the computer players would all gang up on him, so it would be Bob VS. 5 computer players (or something of that nature). Now he has finally found victory! Hopefully now that he knows he can actually win, he’ll keep on playing. I’m starting to enjoy this blogging thing.

Little Ms. Slutty Pants wears more clothes.

Bob saw little Ms. Slutty Pants in school again today. There was a substantially greater amount of cloth on her bosom.

"I like your boobs."

Bob was walking down the hall in school today, and there was a girl that he knows kind of well walking the other way towards him. She’s a pretty nice girl, but she is kinda slutty.

He had a sudden impulse to tell her that he liked her shirt, but he refrained from doing so. If he had said it, what he really would have meant was “I like your boobs.” The shirt she was wearing displayed her boobs so that they could be admired by all. In Bob’s opinion, the shirt was doing a very good job.

Bob didn’t look long, his eyes just kind of saw her breasts and glanced away. He actually did a pretty good job of not staring at them as he walked down the hall. Still, they were hard to miss.

Miranda presses her genitalia all over Bob

Bob went flipping through old journals last night to see if there was any record of the last time that he entertained thoughts of Miranda. It took him a while, but he definitely found some stuff. I had told him the same things the last time: that even though she may be the most beautiful, intelligent, kind woman that he has ever met, that she is not worth getting all bent out of shape over. I wish he could just remember that.

One of the more interesting entries was one relating specifically to her beauty. In this entry, he recorded several instances that were burned into his memory. One was rather insignificant, and one was about seeing her for the first time as a woman (looking down her swimsuit at her exposed breasts). But there were two other instances that I thought were worthy of posting on this blog.

One time Bob was at a social event, and Miranda was there. She was wearing a yellow t-shirt with overalls. He’s not quite sure what it was, if it was the overalls pressing against her breasts or if she wasn’t wearing a bra, but from the side her breasts were very visible through her tight t-shirt. It was a perfect view, just reading the journal entry about it made Bob’s penis stand up.

The second instance was even more interesting. Miranda and Bob were at a social event, and the group they were with was taking a group picture. She asked Bob if she could sit on his shoulders for the pictures, and he responded with a “Heck yes,” because seriously, Bob is totally head over heals for that girl. I think that the time that she spent on his shoulders was the longest amount of time that Bob has been in such a close proximity to a girl (especially a girl as downright gorgeous as Miranda). He just loved feeling her legs wrapped around him! And, he couldn’t help but notice that his head and neck were right there between her legs. Her crotch was pressed tightly to the back of his head. Bob almost could feel her lower lips through her pants. Oh, was he having fun just standing there! And then at one point, she bent over, and her soft breasts were pressed against Bob’s head. Now if any of this had been taking place in a different position, Bob would probably have been having an ejaculation. But as it was, her breasts were only pressed against his head for only a few moments, and then he had to tell her to lean back as he could not support her weight in that position.

Well, after reviewing those instances recorded in Bob’s journal, I am left wondering if he even loved her one single bit, or if it was all just lust? Sure, he included phrases such as “I got to caring about her well-being, and I really care about that more than the lust factor.” Well Bob, I’m not so sure. I think I’m going to have to put the foot down on the over-the-top lusting.

Miranda asks a favor of Bob

Miranda just called Bob up! It was to ask a favor of him, though. She asked him if he would want to do this skit with her at this social event that they will be at. It sounds like it will be pretty informal, and she was probably just picking someone out of the blue, but anything with Miranda, and Bob is all for it! (Meaning he said yes.) So Bob will be doing a skit with Miranda tomorrow. If only she still wasn’t going out with Dip Shit.....

Fucking Miranda

Bob just watched a movie in which the hero fell in love with a girl (this wasn’t the main story line, but a part of it). She was amazingly sexy, very kind and caring, smart, and she was perfect in almost every other way. Bob wishes very much that real life was just like the movies. Bob has never felt love for a girl like that, or been in a relationship such as that, and a huge chunk of him just yearns to be able to be that close (not physically) to another human being. He wants to be able to share life with someone else, to know that there is someone always there for him that he can share his intimate side with. Basically, he wants a girl to love. But that girl has not come along yet.

Whenever Miranda shows up, he starts thinking that she is the one. I keep telling him that she is not worth the worry. Bob will never ever get hooked up with her, and if he could just get that through his thick skull, he would be so much better off! I do think that when he winds up finding someone, that someone is going to be a lot like Miranda. She would be a good match for him, but I seriously don’t think Bob is quite ready for a serious relationship with a girl such as Miranda, and since that is the kind of girl that would suit Bob just perfectly... it is like he is up a river without a paddle.

In his mind, Bob just says to himself “Fuck Miranda, there is no way that she is right for me or that I could ever get her.” (His interpretation of when I tell him that she isn’t worth it.) This line of thought is all well and good, but then he starts to think about fucking Miranda... and he is so attracted to her... it is just a downward spiral.

Miranda and Dip Shit

Bob has been thinking about Miranda a lot lately. He saw her today, and exchanged a couple of words with her. He also talked to Ed, and asked him if Miranda was still going out with the person she was going out with. I have decided to call him Dip Shit, because Bob really thinks he isn't right for Miranda. Ed told Bob that it was Miranda and Dip Shit's one year of consecutive dating anniversary pretty soon. Why did he have to say consecutive? Miranda and Dip Shit have been going out on and off for about the past 5 years or so, Miranda usually switching from Dip Shit to another guy and back to Dip Shit. If she finds good enough reasons to leave him, why does she keep coming back? Bob doesn't know. But he was thinking about telling her how he truly feels about her... until Ed told him that she has been getting along with Dip Shit pretty well. Bob really really thinks Miranda needs to wise up and drop Dip Shit like a load of shit.

About Miranda, and the first day Bob started liking her

Bob was thinking about a girl tonight at work. He knows this girl fairly well, not super well but a bit. (I’ll call her Miranda here.) So about Miranda... Bob has had a massive crush on her since the day that Miranda, Miranda’s brother Ed (Bob’s best friend), and Bob were playing at the beach. Miranda was quietly digging in the sand, and she leaned over and Bob saw her boobs.

(She was wearing a two piece swim suit, with one of those big tops that cover most of the girl’s body. It was a rather modest swim suit, but when she bent over, it was one of those times that Bob just loves when the breasts are totally exposed. It was one of those times when the breasts don’t touch the fabric at all, and the person observing can even make out the nipple in its entirety. Bob hasn’t seen one of these in a while (for which I am grateful), but whenever he sees them, he relishes them. I always tell him to look the other way. Sometimes he listens, sometimes he doesn’t.)

Anyhow, Bob noticed that she was starting to mature and grow boobs. Ever since that day, he stopped thinking of her as Ed’s annoying older sister, and as an attractive member of the opposite sex. He began to notice other attractive qualities (other than the obvious physical ones) and his attraction to her grew. She grew up to be a very beautiful woman, who is very nice to most everyone and attractive in almost every way. She is smart, compassionate, funny, and very pretty (I just need to say it again, because Bob thinks that she is one of the sexiest women he has ever met.)

So what is the only problem with this picture (other than the fact that she is already away at college)? She is always dating someone. And usually, it is always some loser. He does not know why she does it. She always dates people that are totally wrong for her. It is blatantly obvious to absolutely everyone else around her that the guys she dates are not the guys that she should be dating, but she does not seem to get it. This bothers Bob very, very much. It is not so much that Bob has never dated her and probably will never get the chance to date her; the problem is that she could be in such great relationships instead of the poor ones that she has been in. He doesn’t think that it is absolutely necessary that she go out with him (although Bob would probably got crazy with excitement if she did) but that she go out with someone who will actually be good for her. The thing is that Bob loves her sooo much that he just wants her to find the right people, even if it isn’t him. Now if only he could get up the guts to say that to her.

Bob slacks off at work.

Bob had hoped to get a little time to work on his english essay at work tonight, but alas, he had a lot of work to do. It is odd though: the times that Bob is most inspired to write, are the times when he shouldn't be writing: when he's on the clock at work.

Now don't get me wrong, Bob is an excellent worker! The only time he ever writes at work is when he has all of his tasks completed. Except for this one task, this task that never is done and never really needs to get done. All it is is busywork. Uselessness. An exercise in futility. Yet he is supposed to do it. So I tell him to... just not very loudly. In a louder voice, I tell him not to get caught writing.

Bob dreams about dancing with a girl in the street

Bob had a dream last night about a girl (and he still remembers it). He usually does not remember his dreams, so this really was a rarity for him. I get to watch all of his dreams, even if he doesn't recollect having them in the morning. On the whole, they are usually pretty nasty. This dream wasn't so bad. It was about a girl that Bob has known pretty much all of his life growing up. He never really did get to know her extremely well, they were just sort of casual acquaintences. The thing of it is, he has been attracted to her since probably forever. In Bob's opinion, she is really, really hot.

He basically decided that she would never, ever like him. Why he decided that, I have no idea. He really likes her, and cares for her in a very selfless sort of way, even though he would also like to have sex with her. But it seems like she is always dating someone. Part of Bob doesn't want to be just the next someone on her list, so I think he has unconciously stayed away from her.

Anyhow, this dream that Bob had. This girl (I'll call her Sarah here) was back from college. Sarah came over to Bob's house, and they decided to hang out and go for a walk. They talked of all manner of things, one of which the frustrating fact that there is no store in the small little hick town that they live in that sells decent music. They talked of that for a while. They ended up singing an interesting song that Bob had been listening to the day before he had this dream, and dancing in the street to it. It wasn't a waltz, no no no. It was a hip-hop/rock song... very interesting dance, let me tell you.

Eventually Sarah and Bob got back to his house, and he waved good-bye to her as she hopped on her bike (she rode her bike there), and said something to the effect of, "It was a lot of fun, have a good night!" In Bob's dream, he then proceeded to go into the house and shut the door in her face. (After he got in it turns out that someone had bought him a new computer with Windows Vista, and he started messing around with it.) But as Bob was dreaming, he couldn't help the feeling that he had shut Sarah down, that she had wanted a little something more. Something like a little cuddly time on the couch.

Bob woke up right about then. It was one of those dreams that he doesn't really enjoy waking up from, and one of those dreams that he really wishes was real.

No masturbation: score 2 for the conscience!

Bob was way too tired to jack off last night. I love it when that happens! If I convince him to stay up really late and get really tired, sometimes he doesn't even have the chance to screw off! Score one for the conscience!

Lack of enjoyment, score 1 for the Conscience!

Bob beat his meat again last night. He didn't get that much enjoyment out of it, as I have been telling him! So I really followed up this morning and pounded him hard, trying to get him to realize that he didn't have all that much fun. And he really didn't, so my arguements were that much more convincing!

Women with nice breasts

Bob feels like masturbating right now. I’m trying to tell him not to, but he usually never listens to me. I’m telling him that he’ll feel bad later when he thinks about it, like he always does. The problem is, Bob has so much fun while he’s doing it. He really enjoys thinking about women with nice breasts. I keep telling him that his future wife wouldn’t like him thinking about girls without their shirts or pants on, but he just keeps right on going. And then he’ll grab his penis and start yanking away. Oh my gosh Bob! You really know how to tune me out, don’t you? Well listen up: JUST GO STRAIGHT TO SLEEP TONIGHT!

Trunks turn Bob on

Bob is currently watching a television show. In it, there is a girl sitting in the trunk of the car. I would say trapped if she was, but she isn’t exactly. She knows the driver of the car, and they were trying to escape. But, the car was lifted into the air, and now they are stranded. Every now and then they will show a shot of the girl in the trunk (who is new on the show).

It is very confined in there, as you might imagine, and the camera always shoots down towards her from the region of her head, but very close up. This girl is wearing... let us just say that it most definitely is not a turtle neck. And, as is made glaringly evident, her breasts are very nicely sized. Bob thinks that they are right on the line of being large, but not too big. Bob doesn’t like huge, what he calls “boobs.” Not ones so big that if the woman in question wasn’t wearing a bra they’d hang down to her waist. No, he doesn’t like those. He thinks this woman’s “boobs” are large without being too large. As a conscience, I really could not tell you one way or the other.

Anyhow, Bob is trying to not look at her breasts, of which I am very proud. Part way through the show, he just decided that they were too prominent to ignore. Very nicely sized, and the way they were situated in the shot... oh, they really made his penis stand up.

I tried to convince him to think about what was going on in the show and how she could possibly die, but to no avail. All he could think about was the girl’s breasts.

Welcome to Bob's Conscience

Hello, and welcome to my newly created blog. My name is Bob’s Conscience. This blog is about my favorite topic, Bob. I’ve been fighting Bob’s bad side since 1988, so I think I qualify as an authority on the topic! In this blog I intend to write updates on Bob’s life, and more specifically, updates on how my job is going.

You may be wondering why Bob doesn’t notice that his Conscience is surfing the internet and blogging, but I am a very sneaky Conscience. I recently have gotten Bob hooked on this addictive computer game called Age of Empires II, and he has been playing that a lot recently. While he’s distracted building an army, I’m surfing the internet. So I hope you check back frequently, and read about what Bob's been up to!